dal

I am not obliged to update regularly nor put up posts to your interests.

here's how it goes. i'll most likely reply on your tagboard. but if you don't have one, the reply goes here.

...are never meant to be broken. i just have been humiliated by dad. my parents have been setting rules for baha but he never seem to follow any one of them. so last week, i decided to be very firm with him & make this very straight & clear - no habbo for him on mon-thu. so everytime he played habbo, i forced him to stop playing it though nobody was using the comp or he didn't have homework to be completed. he DEFINITELY dragged & forced me to switch off the pc improperly. until just now, when i threatened to switch off just like that, dad came & asked me why i must do that. he let him play the comp since nobody was currently using it. i mumbled reluctantly(afraid that he doesn't accept my opinion) & shakily, "...might as well don't set rules right...". i looked like i have no pride who set rules that is meant not to be followed. HOW THE HACK IS BAHA GOING TO BE A DISCIPLINED PERSON IF MY PARENTS KEEP GIVING IN TO HIM?!?!!?!?!?!!?

on sunday i went shopping at tm. well not exactly shopping but buying what i need. erm...yeah. i felt SO free & like joyful. but the thought which intruded is when i will finish my work. it has been a long time since i last shop. i don't shop. on the way to tm from tamp library i saw mdm fari. haha.

ring ring...

"hello?"

"hello. ..."

"...hello?"

"hello. may i speak to pak zawi please?"

"hold on." muuuum!

"hello?"

"hello?"

"who's this?"

"what? hey speak properly lah."

"Innalillah..."(from God we came, to God we return)

& the conversation goes on...okay basically this was how i received the news that my granduncle passed away on sunday night. the sunday i went shopping. what i regret is i didn't pay him a visit when he was hospitalised. so the last time we chatted was during last year hari raya visitings.

dear dad. don't you notice i'm becoming like your eldest daugther? quiet & avoiding you? do you know why? simply because you've wrongly interprate me. you've always asked us to talk to you. but how is it possible if i try to sort things out with you but again & again you insist on me being wrong? that day you saw me STUDYING math early in the morn around 1am. you offered your help but i declined it. i was just getting on the mood of studying when you scolded me. "math is not supposed to be studied. you have to practise math". you don't have the idea of how desperate my life is till i have to STUDY for math. the other day, i immediately respond to mum when shecalled us to eat dinner so that i've enough time to digest the food before i pray. you scolded me for eating too little for dinner. how am i suppose to digest the food before i pray? & like hello, i accidentally ate too much for tea; almost 1/4 of the biscuits in that container because it was addictive. you suggested to mum not to buy biscuits anymore. i agree with you. the next day, i forced myself to eat more. after scooping the rice, i cleaned the spoon against the brim of my plate & the latter ends up messy. you scolded me for that. you don't allow me to knock the spoon against the rice pot & when i clean against my plate, you scolded me. i did all these for the sake of cleaning the spoon. unlike you, clean plates & no knocking of the rice pots but unclean spoon & depend on mum to clean it for you.



i wonder why i can't cope with my studies. i mean, considering others, who are much busier than i am, they are better than me academically. & they don't pay attention in class, copy homework, hang out, etc. i confided in kak mard & she said that they are just lucky enough to have the IQ but i use my own effort. at least, kak mard recognise my effort. i sleep no earlier than 12 practically everday.


yesterday was the 1st time we pitched our 1st tent. wohoo...! wasn't that bad. but i still got problems tying the ten guy loop.


i've been eating alot nowadays. that's sad.

...thinking of the day, when you went away, what a life to take what a bond to break (we)'ll be mising you...
i'll be missing you by puff daddy



i recalled writing that on my post on pop last year.



somebody wrote about the picture put up by herself on the post. immediately, sweet memories with crater surfaced. aye, we used to be that bonded. but no worries, maybe the squad is just incomplete yet; some in goh, the other half in parade. only time can heal it.

i fell asleep AGAIN on the sofa watching tgif boredly. i felt so tired when doing the english homework that i decided to lie down. told myself not to fell asleep but in the end, i still did. @!$^%*&#^%%^&($ i could have finished half of my homework if i hadn't fell asleep. should've forced baha to stop playing habbo so that i can print out juli's content page. that way, maybe it could've drag forward my fell-asleep time. & finish 1/4 of my homework. things to clear:-
finish my homework & the malay project by today(sat).
study for history test tomorrow. i'm not sure if there's geography test next week but i think i will not study for it as there'll be absolutely no time. studying for history means memorising the facts & skill on sbq, & practising it. we don't even know when's the history test is. i believe it's on friday.
let's just put it that geog test is on week 9.(:

yesterday's parade made me realise that sirius is at a crucial state. it can downgrade anytime. sec 1s are catching up, we're still there. i coax myself that maybe things will be better if the other goh squadmates are with us. i miss them. the parade was dry without them.
another reason why our spirit's not there probably because aries ma'ams were not there with us. they are either in the campcraft team or goh. i sincerely hope sirius will be always bonded & put in the best effort in everything we do.

i regretted commenting on the keychain tere gave me.

i really appreciate the half day granted for us. at least there's time for me to study lit. yesterday i only finished half the 1st chapter & there's 4 1/2 chapters more to go & the test's tomorrow after school. i planned to stay up all night but fell asleep after watching a drama yesterday. today i woke up at 0605. i was irritated as i was late for apt & have to go for afternoon apt. secondly, i slept instead of studying. fortunately dad sent me to school on vespa:P & i came for apt 5 mins late.
i'll DEFINITELY fall asleep whenever i lie down. it's so hard to not to fall asleep when i lie down especially on the sofa-bed. i shall stop lying down. & i shall pack my bag before starting on hw in case i fell asleep when i accidentally lie down. life's so desperate.

nowadays i eat a lot. even on school days. one of the reason i like coming to school so that i can refrain myself from eating. but not now.

sirius is pretending. i don't know la, they always say they love the squad but is that really true...? exaggerate is fine but not illusions & contradictions. anyway, rosa, jess & i agree that the blog is too personal.

i received loads of presents for v-day! but it's still considered quite a little compared to others. mostly i got was chocs. the one i love most is heart-shape pillow from my valentine(from sirius), hafe. this was the 1st time i celebrate valentines. but not exactly celebrating la, just returning what others gave me:). my valentine was wing & i made hers the most special 1. but i doubt she appreciates it. or does she even know i gave her the bear? the yellow bear whose clothes i hand-made & wrote 'wing hay jiayou!'? i spent hours on it, the precious time i can spend on my malay project & studying for literature test this friday. i haven't even started yet la.

i gave juli, hali, joly, khai, jess, tere, jai (birthday too). i forgot to buy something for lydi. poor lydi.

my religious class is gettin' stricter. it staggers many things.

the books changed - from the thicker ones to the thin ones. but i don't think it's appopriate. my last year's books are meant to last for 4 years in the madr. that's precisely why mum didn't mind the cost of the books is quite high. moreover, my sis also had the same set of books but can't lend it to me as we're using it on the same day. unexpectedly, the syllabus changed this year & we have to buy new books each year. so now i have 2 sets of same thick books at home. i agree the books are too thick to be finished by 4 years but maybe the akhlak book is quite flimsy. even flimsier than the current one. why not just continue using that?!
the class starts at 0820 instead of around 0800. which means we go home 20mins later. not fun. they stagger the time so that lesser students will come late. ...students still come late. stricter punishments are needed to stop them, not stagger the time. moreover, if it starts later, students will wake up later, & probably miss prayer. then there's only 2 periods instead of 3, in the whole 2 1/2 hrs of class. excluding recess. of course, there are a lot of slacking time; after recess, before the start of the 1st lesson. asatizahs usually come in for lessons late.
examinations is now based on the papers(once a year) itself, class works, homeworks, projects & attendance. they claimed that in the past, they promoted students to the next level even if they fail. but not now.
logical?

rifle drill is cool & being the 1st sec2 squad in cedar is more cool. anyway, i didn't get into GOH. kinda disappointed but i know there's a blessing in disguise. maybe it will affect my studies if i go for the trainings. but it's not fair. those who got in will be more experienced & better in their drills. i didn't know my drills are that bad. i mean, even those 2 whose attendance are irregular can get in. i don't want ma'ams to know my drills are bad! but they know afterall. but my drills aren't bad! whatever.

going to east coast later. probably i'll be back earlier as i don't have the mood. moreover, i haven't finish my homework & the malay project to be done & study for lit.

i'm beaming proud the top O student is a cedarian! too bad yesterday i was so tired from parade i fell asleep watching 'pesta pesta pesta' while waiting for the awaited news to see MY school in it. mr tay's class did very well in their A maths. all scored A1 except for 2. freakin' smart man. kak mard did ok.

i thought i posted an entry on my academic updates a few days ago. but where did it go?

it's been a long time since i met amir. huma, huwa & syah too. the last time we went out together was on hari raya last year. but it wasn't even a great one. actually, 'amir & siti reminds me of the times amir & i in primary school. sitting in the middle of the class, always giggling & laughin all the way. & we're very open to each other. we talk almost everythin. like the 2 of them.

actually i don't find my squad that interestin'. neither it is very bonded. however, it brought my 1st genuine laugh in cedar. it's in my squad that i feel i'm appreciated, & well taken care of by them. & it's in my squad i met people like aziz, jess, shal, etc who are willing to talk to a quiet girl like me.

my madrasah's result is disappointing. i studied it so hard for it, but i didn't even got any A's. irritating orh. it was the 1st time i prepared notes, i memorised practically every facts, yet i didn't score. the exam period was also packed with cedar's tests. toot lah. wasted my time. whatever. who cares anyway. as long as you're in the right path.


i burnt my boots...again. the kiwi was like cracking all over ok. irritating. don't tell me i've to burn it every week. & again i can't help noticing jiaq's boots. super shiny. yuti & i came out with a conclusion; the smaller the boots, the shinier it is. haha. & of course the lesser time-consuming to polish them. hmm...the topic can be used for IPW(my p5 IPW was: is it true that the taller the person is, the larger his/her feet is?):P. ouh, by the way i'm doing on 'rainbow corn' for IPW.


people say dilaila is nicer. uh-uh, not exactly. it's a common name in the western. & also too common in songs. right right?